The bathroom floor was cold against my face.
It was 3 AM, and I was lying there wondering how someone who’d built multiple successful businesses could feel so completely empty. I had money in the bank, a growing company, and all the external markers of success. Yet I’d never felt more bankrupt in my life.
That moment changed everything: not because I found some magical solution, but because I finally understood the difference between accumulating wealth and building true fortune.
What Does It Really Mean to Gain and Lose Everything?
Over the past decade, I’ve gained seven different types of fortune while simultaneously losing eight others. The math might not add up on paper, but it makes perfect sense when you understand that transformation is never a zero-sum game.
Here’s what I’ve learned: every real breakthrough requires a transaction. Not just financial: though that’s often part of it: but a full-spectrum commitment that touches every aspect of who you are.
When I first committed to becoming a coach and leader, I didn’t just write a check for a training program. I committed myself monetarily, spiritually, physically, and mentally to a complete reconstruction of my identity. That transaction cost me versions of myself I didn’t even know I was attached to.
The Eight Fortunes I Lost (And Why That Was Necessary)
Let me be brutally honest about what transformation cost me:
1. The Fortune of False Certainty
I used to believe I had all the answers. Losing that illusion was terrifying: and essential.
2. The Fortune of Emotional Numbness
I’d built walls so thick around my heart that I couldn’t feel success OR failure. Those walls had to come down.
3. The Fortune of Shallow Relationships
Transactional connections felt safe. Deep, authentic relationships required vulnerability I wasn’t ready for.
4. The Fortune of External Validation
I was addicted to others’ approval. Recovery from that addiction nearly broke me.
5. The Fortune of Control Illusions
Thinking I could control outcomes kept me busy but not effective. Letting go felt like falling off a cliff.
6. The Fortune of Comfortable Mediocrity
Average felt safe. Excellence demanded everything I had: and more.
7. The Fortune of Victim Identity
Blaming circumstances felt easier than taking responsibility. But blame is a prison disguised as protection.
8. The Fortune of Compartmentalized Life
I thought I could separate business Jeff from personal Jeff. Integration required destroying those artificial boundaries.
The eighth loss: losing my wife in 2018: wasn’t a choice I made. But how I processed that loss, how I let it transform rather than destroy me, that was a transaction I consciously entered into. Grief could have been the end of my story. Instead, it became the beginning of my deepest understanding about what truly matters.
The Seven Fortunes I Gained (And Why They’re Worth Everything I Lost)
What emerged from those losses wasn’t just recovery: it was a complete recalibration of what wealth actually means.
Fortune #1: Authentic Self-Knowledge
I finally know who I am when the masks come off. This fortune is worth more than any bank balance because it’s the foundation for every other success.
Fortune #2: Deep Relational Wealth
Real connections with my team, my family, my clients. These relationships aren’t just nice to have: they’re the infrastructure of a meaningful life.
Fortune #3: Emotional Mastery
I can feel everything now: fear, joy, grief, excitement: without being controlled by any of it. Emotions became information instead of intimidation.
Fortune #4: Purpose-Driven Success
My work isn’t just about building businesses anymore. It’s about helping other leaders transform from the inside out. That sense of purpose is fuel that never runs empty.
Fortune #5: Integrated Leadership
I show up the same way in boardrooms and at breakfast with my kids. Integrity isn’t just about honesty: it’s about wholeness.
Fortune #6: Resilient Mental Models
My thinking patterns now serve my growth instead of sabotaging it. I’ve literally rewired my brain for possibility instead of protection.
Fortune #7: Spiritual Groundedness
Not religious doctrine, but a deep knowing that I’m part of something larger. This fortune provides stability that market fluctuations can’t shake.
Why Transformation Never Comes Free (And What It Really Costs)
Here’s what nobody tells you about inner work: the transaction is always bigger than you think it will be.
When I started this journey, I thought I was paying for skills and strategies. What I was actually purchasing was a complete identity reconstruction. The bathroom floor moment wasn’t rock bottom: it was the down payment on becoming who I was meant to be.
Some transformations cost money. Others cost comfort. The deepest ones cost illusions you didn’t know you were carrying.
But here’s the truth that changed everything for me: you can’t negotiate with transformation. You can’t pay partial prices for complete changes. You can’t get wholesale enlightenment at discount rates.
What Transaction as Transformation Really Means
Every genuine breakthrough requires a transaction: an exchange where you give up who you’ve been for who you’re becoming.
The transaction isn’t just financial investment in coaching or programs (though that commitment matters). The real transaction is:
- Mental: Releasing thought patterns that no longer serve you
- Emotional: Processing feelings you’ve been avoiding for years
- Physical: Changing habits that keep you stuck in old cycles
- Spiritual: Opening to possibilities beyond your current reality
- Relational: Letting relationships evolve or end naturally
When my wife died, I faced the ultimate transaction. I could either let grief define the rest of my story, or I could honor her memory by becoming the man she always saw in me. That transaction cost me my old identity as someone who happened to life. It gave me a new identity as someone who partners with life to create meaning from even the deepest pain.
The ROI of Inner Work (It’s Better Than You Think)
People ask me about the return on investment for inner work. Here’s my honest answer: it’s immeasurable because it touches everything.
That bathroom floor moment led to the deepest client relationships I’ve ever had. Processing my grief made me a better father. Learning emotional mastery transformed how my teams perform. Understanding my authentic self revolutionized how I show up as a leader.
The fortunes I’ve gained compound daily. The fortunes I lost? I don’t miss them at all.
Your Own Transaction Awaits
If you’re reading this and something inside you is stirring: pay attention. That stirring is your soul’s way of saying you’re ready for your own transaction.
Maybe you’re on your own bathroom floor right now. Maybe you’re facing losses that feel impossible to transform. Maybe you’re wondering if real change is actually possible for someone like you.
Here’s what I know for certain: the fortunes available to you are bigger than anything you’re currently experiencing. But accessing them requires a transaction you can’t negotiate down.
The question isn’t whether you can afford to invest in your transformation. The question is whether you can afford not to.
Your authentic self, your deepest purpose, your greatest impact: they’re all waiting on the other side of your willingness to transact with who you’ve been for who you’re becoming.
The bathroom floor was cold, but it was also the launching pad for the seven fortunes that now define my life. Your launching pad might look different, but the transaction remains the same: everything you’ve been for everything you’re meant to become.
The math always works out in transformation’s favor. Trust me: I’ve done the calculations, gained the fortunes, and paid the prices. The ROI is everything you’ve ever dreamed of and more than you currently believe is possible.
Your transaction is waiting. The only question is: are you ready to commit?